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| Hi,this is MFM. There is a story and a soon to be sequel. Also there are going to be pictures and games. Until then here is my story. Men From Mitten BY: J M M INTRODUCTION WHAT N*SYNC & AGENT X HAVE IN COMMON Welcome to Men From Mitten (MFM). This story may have some information that may be shocking, terrifying, and quite frankly amusing. If you don’t read this book as fast as you can, your planet will cease to exist. If your mother tells you to go to bed, DON’T STOP READING! If your father says to put that book down at the dinner table, DON’T STOP READING! If your Algebra Teacher tells you to put the silly book down while he’s teaching, DON’T STOP READING! Read on dear reader, read on. * * * * * My name is X (That’s short for Xerklynks.). I am one of the special people from the planet Mitten who was chosen to thwart any of Evil Emperor Leather’s plans to destroy Earth. He is the emperor of the dark, dark planet Glove. (Be sure to have someone go DUN, DUN, DUNNNN whenever you say Glove or Evil Emperor Leather). Do you want to know what N*SYNC and I have in common? We are all aliens! You understood me correctly. They are aliens from the planet Sock. They are from the state of Foot. Didn’t you ever wonder why some people call them N*STINK? Did you notice that we are from Mitten, Evil Emperor Leather is from Glove, and N*STINK are from Sock? If you guessed we all look alike that’s absolutely wrong. We are all from the same solar system. It’s called the Clothes Line. Now, if you have read the above paragraph correctly you know what to do now. CHAPTER ONE Blasting Off "But sir, nobody from the Clothes Line Solar System has ever been to Earth," I said to the leader of our planet, Emperor Yarn. "Do you want the Earth, the Sun, and Venus to explode because Emperor Leather thinks that they look ugly?" I said, "Why would he explode them just because they look ugly?" "You know how he is. All he ever wants to do is start wars or explode things. You’re the best person we have in the field of thwarting evil. So you have to go. We all need your help." * * * * * "No, oh no Sir, not the Venusians," I mumbled. "What in the name of Gershny are you talking about? You care about the people who started UW9?" "Well sir, my grandmother is from Venus." " I suppose you will be going then. You will be able to take your dog Chowder." "Then I guess I’m ready to go." * * * * * Chowder and I were very uncomfortable on our ride to Earth. We had to listen to a recording that explained what we had to do when we got to earth. "Agent X, you’ve got mail. Oh, and you’ve been assigned to save Earth, the Sun, and Venus. Your mission, if you wish to except it is to destroy…mmmmmmmm this sandwich is tasty!!!! Oh. Um. Oh yeah something about destroying Evil Emperor Leathers minions. Uh, he smells like garlic or something. This taped recording will not explode in five seconds unless you do something to make it do so." I know I’ve heard about a garlic guy before, but where and when? Ah yessssss! It’s coming back to me now. It was the first day of military school where we learned about Evil Emperor Leathers Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy. All of a sudden we went into turbulence. The ship teetered and tautered, slipped and slided. To and fro we went. Up and down, in and out. And other stuff. Wow! It was something . Will we make it? Will we be able to land safely on earth? CHAPTER TWO We Made It What else needs to be said? We would have an awful short story if we didn’t. If you wanted a crash you should have picked out a story about Haley’s Comet. CHAPTER THREE Chowder The Talking Dog When we landed I saw chowders face go weird. I said "Chowder what just happened to you?" "What does it look like you big made up character that just so happens to be in my way!" he replied. (No miss print there, he’s talking.) We found out that the atmosphere on Earth rearranged his vocal chords. I replied to him, "What do you mean, Chowder? I am not a made up character!" Chowder says, "And pigs can fly." To make this short story shorter; tape + Chowder’s mouth = silence. And silence is golden. But a talking dog…. that could be fun. We’ll see how or if this plays out. * * * * * By this time it was Ten o’clock on Mitten. All the little Mitts were fast asleep. They were unaware that Evil Emperor Leather was deploying the Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy to Earth while visions of lickazoids danced in their heads. I was just about to lie down at a place called "Motel 6" when my visual talkie watch started to ring. "Ring, Ring, Ring" it went. "Hello, Xerklynks Yarnt Zigamaroo speaking." "Agent X, I suppose you were just climbing into bed, but we just got word from one of the little Mitts that the Evil Emperor Leather is deploying the Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy to Earth. In other words look out your window." I looked and there it was. The biggest piece of garlic I have ever seen hurtling towards Earth. One garlicky mile after another. "I love the smell of garlic in the morning……it smells like……victory." Chowder said. "Cheap tape I suppose," was all I could say. But that’s ok. It will be good to have someone (or thing) to talk to. Especially now with the Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy about to land. We needed a plan and Chowder would help me formulate it. * * * * * But first, we had to eat something. I mean we were in bed for…let’s see, 10 minutes! Boy we were tired. We went for breakfast at the diner next to the motel. They wouldn’t serve us because I had funny looking money and oh because chowder was, well, he looked like a dog. And his constant complaining didn’t help. On the way back to the Motel 6 we went past an alley and I smelt a smell, you know, the smelly smell you smell when something smells………. It smells like garlic. I turned around and nobody was there. I turned back and, and……….. I’m sorry it was an emotional time. Chowder was gone. Poof. Vanished into thin air. Just like that he was gone. Or was he? The smell of garlic was strong and you know Chowder loves the smell of garlic. Maybe he had become consumed with it and had tried to find it. If I just follow the smell myself, maybe it would lead me to him. Then maybe too, I would find the Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy and learn his true purpose in coming to Earth. * * * * * As with all my adventures involving Chowder I will have to rescue him to continue. That dog can get into more trouble then, well, a normal talking dog can. Of course he can only talk on Earth. So look I do. The fresh scent of garlic is at every turn. Oops, not that one. No smell. Let me back up a bit. Ah, there we go. Sheesh, I hate this smell. Oo, that smells bad. I’m certainly on the right, ick, track. Now where could he have gotten to? CHAPTER FOUR The Plan (And it better be good) "Where, O, where could my Chowder have gone, O where O where can he be? With his little orange nose, and his squinty bug eyes, O where, O where can he be?" I sang as I followed the garlicky trail. All of a sudden the scent got strong, very strong. Strong enough to make a man hurl. Well, I’m not a man so I guess it’s not a real problem. Then I stopped. I stopped at an old abandoned warehouse. Now I knew that I had to put my plan into action. On the downside, I couldn’t buy anything from the hardware store because of my money. That means everything has to be motel made. "Let’s see, I need two big sheets of metal, three pistons, a mirror, a cable, and last but not least, a bull. But who? Michael Jordan? Dennis Rodman? I’m guessing Dennis Rodman. We ARE close personal friends." What? We are. Did you ever see his hair? Think about it. * * * * * "Finished!" " I am the first person from the Clothes Line Solar System to make a……. Drum roll please," " Ticka, ticka, ticka." "Chowder!!!" There he was sitting right in the doorway! "Chowder whe.." Chowder interrupted me by saying, "There was one thing that we didn’t discover when we found out that I could talk. I can also turn invisible when I become consumed with something. For example when we were walking past that alley on the way back to the motel I became consumed with that smell of garlic." "Well Chowder, I was just about to unveil my helicopter." "How is it going to work? You’ve never flown a helicopter before. Wait, scratch that. Nobody from the WHOLE Clothes Line Solar System has EVER, and let me repeat that, EVER flown a helicopter. Plus, you’re made-up. What can you do?" "I am not a made up character. I am going to put a microphone on the bottom of our helicopter and lower it into the abandoned warehouse to hear what the…. (Do you know what? I’m getting sick and tired of saying all of that garlic whatever. From now on I’m going to call him the G.G.G.G.) ….what the G.G.G.G. is saying. Let’s go! We have a lot of work to do. Our first order of business is finding Dennis Rodman." CHAPTER FIVE The Bull, The Helicopter and The G.G.G.G. (I am sure you are wondering what Dennis Rodman has to do with anything. Well, he is the only alien on Earth strong enough to pull the cord on the helicopter to start the engine. Do you understand now? Good, now we can get back to my story.) It was a nine-hour ride from the Motel 6 to Chicago. I had to rent a car. But the problem was I could see no place to rent and of course the funny looking money. Soooooooooooooo, even if I found a place to rent a car I wouldn’t have money to rent it. IDEA!!! I could borrow one. (Kids, who are reading this story, do not borrow anything with out permission, EVER. It is very wrong. Let’s return to our story.) We have been walking down this road for three hours and wait a second, there’s one now! A car I mean. I must pick the lock or just try opening the door. There we go. And isn’t that convenient. The key is in the ignition. Can you believe that? Me either. (Hey it’s a short story) * * * * * Meanwhile at the local science lab, "Woo, what is that awful smell? It smells like garlic," said the evil Dr. Split Lip. So he followed the awful smell. He made it to the warehouse and to G.G.G.G. Now, in case you didn’t know, the G.G.G.G. had a very good sense of smell. The G.G.G.G. smelt Dr. Split Lip when he got in his car to check the garlic smell. Dr. Split Lip walked in and fainted. * * * * * Luckily I figured out how to drive the Earth car. I made it to Chicago in no time flat. I caught up with Dennis Rodman after his game. He said "Yo wazzup X?" "Um, lets see, I need you to pull the cord on my helicopter to make it run." "Sure, what are friends for?" See I told you he was my friend. It took us, like, twenty minutes to get back because Dennis had a gadget that made my car go ten times faster. We got inside my room and everything was demolished including my helicopter. "Now we can’t ride in the helicopter." "That really stinks X. I know what to do…..ever hear of walking?" "Well, yes, but I have to put the microphone onto the G.G.G.G." "Who?" "The Gigantic Gargantuan Garlic Guy." "Oh," Said Dennis. To make a short story shorter we walked. When we got there I over heard the G.G.G.G. talking. He said, "Yes master I will destroy the Empire State Building tomorrow." * * * * * Tomorrow came so fast it seemed like today. We drove as fast as we could to New York. When we arrived it was like a King Kong remake. Like, the best one ever made. The G.G.G.G. was on the top of the Empire State Building swatting stealth jets and screeching so loud that it could make your teeth explode. Luckily the Earth persons car that I stole had earplugs in the little compartment under the dashboard so that didn’t happen to us. The G.G.G.G. took one look at us and ran away. I wish!! What really happened was he slid down the side of the building and took our car as we jumped to safety, and ate it. One bite. Gulp and gone. Slimed us good too. Everywhere. Slime here and there and, well, everywhere. Big gobs of goo. It was a close call. A close slimy call. "X, did you know that the G.G.G.G. had slime and could slide like that? He just slid down and ate our car." "Well, no, of course not. Had I known I would have parked around the corner." * * * * * That night we sat, ate dinner and tried to get the slime out of our hair. But the weird thing was Chowder wasn’t crying at all and the slime seemed to bounce off him and land on us. Is it because he’s a dog or something else? I guess we will never know. It was eight o’clock A.M. Earth time and I got up to get a drink of some Earth water and I noticed something, Chowder was gone again. "He must have gotten consumed with something." I said to myself. But why was he disappearing so much? He seemed to be gone more then not. For the next twenty days and twenty nights the G.G.G.G. destroyed national landmarks. The White House, the Jefferson Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument and other very, very important landmarks in the U.S.A. So Dennis Rodman and I thought that it would be the same way this day but no, it wasn’t, the G.G.G.G. and Chowder were both gone! Now we have to find BOTH of them. CHAPTER SIX THE BEST SURPRISE ENDING YOU’VE EVER READ! Dennis and I were running as fast as we could to the abandoned warehouse. We were three feet away from getting inside when all of a sudden Chowder appeared. "Oh thank goodness we found you Chowder." Said Dennis and I in unison. Chowder said, "Oh yeah? You’ll like how all of this is going to turn out, MAHAHAHA" (you know that goofy laugh like Vincent Price in scary movies). "Alllll righty then." is what I said. "Chowder we need you to help us. We need to find the G.G.G.G." But the police came speeding towards us and I never got to reveal my plan to thwart the G.G.G.G. once and for all. "We’ve got a report of a Cracked Split-Lip last being seen fainting at this very spot. Do you people know anything about…hey, your Dennis Rodman aren’t you?" "I sure am sir." "May I please have your auto…"He didn’t finish what he wanted to ask Mr. Rodman, because he was to busy gawking at something behind me. I turned around and I saw Chowder, but something was different, something was different about his eyes. They were both pure red, unsquinty and really bugged. He looked at me and he started growing, growing very rapidly at a tremendous speed. But I smelt something, and what I smelt, it smelt like garlic. I looked at Chowder again and he wasn’t Chowder anymore. HE WAS THE GIGANTIC GARGANTUAN GARLIC GUY! So that’s why he was never at the house, he must have been at the warehouse all that time. "Chowder how could you, you were my best friend!" "Sometimes friends aren’t what you think at all, sometimes they are really your worst enemy." All of the policemen started firing their guns but the G.G.G.G. but he couldn’t feel pain, the only pain he could feel would be inflicted by a reverse vampire. Regular vampires hate garlic and if it is a reverse vampire there is not much more to explain. And it just so happens Dennis knew one. Her name just happens to be Julia Roberts. What a coincidence, she lives just down the street. When we got to her house, or should I say her castle Dennis and I explained everything. She got into her cape and we went back. It was really something. The G.G.G.G. was bigger than ever! Julia had to eat her way through the G.G.G.G.’s legs. That was the only way to defeat it. After about twenty minutes she chewed through both legs and he started to melt. As he melted he screeched like he did at the Empire State Building. He got down to only his face and he said "X, I thought we were friends. Please help me." "Sometimes friends aren’t what you think at all, sometimes they really are your worst enemy." * * * * * Dr. Split-Lip was safely recovered and lived to write a novel called "The smell of death may also be the smell of garlic." Dennis Rodman went on to retire from basketball. Julia Roberts went on to make a film called "The Mexican" and nobody ever found out she was a reverse vampire. I went on to live for nine million more years and then I died. But believe me, a lot more crazy stuff happens. Believe me. * * * * * |
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