|
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
| Episode 17 "SCI Christmas Special" Subtitled-"Rudolph the Red nosed Assassin" Ally: Hello we are the writers at SCI and today we are thinking of straying from our usual violent and sarcastic ways to make a special episode for Christmas. Brad: It will be a heart-warming episode that brings joy to those who read it. Shades: You guys are really bad liars. Chaos: Yeah I mean who would believe that the SCI could actually have a tame episode. S & C & A & B: BWAHAHA! Ally: This episode will make you have a whole different outlook on Christmas. Brad: So much that you might even hate it…well maybe not that much. Ally: It will take you through the horrors of CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ohhh scarrrrrryyyyy! Brad: Yes very… A & B: Well Enjoy. (For no apparent reason Shades and Chaos knock the two unfortunate writers out with a pair of Louisville sluggers) *** We join Shades in a local Wal-Mart (because he loves those low prices everyday) looking for the perfect gift for Chaos… S: Wow…a Microsoft action pack, including Bill Gates and his computer, those guys have thought of everything…I wonder if they're flammable. (Takes out match) S: Damn Chaos has got to be the hardest person to buy for! B: Why don't you just get her an assault rifle like the past 7 years. S: Boots we haven't even known each other for more than a year. B: No I was talking about the other life you had before this. S: Huh?!?! B: Did I say other life I meant…(runs off) S: Great now who's gonna help me find the perfect gift for Chaos. Salesperson: Well what kind of person is this Chaos? Shades whirls around to see Tyler Turner with a Blue Wal-Mart apron on. S: Turner what are you doing here? T: Simple my friend I work here. S: Well no $hit Sherlock I just thought the blue apron was a new fashion trend, and I'm not your friend. T: Geez, you don't have to be so mean I just want to help (puts hand on Shades shoulder) S: Don't touch me or I'll take that apron and shove it where the sun don't shine…actually I'm not going to touch you so I'd make you shove it where the sun don't shine. T: Well anyway, if your looking for a perfect gift this holiday season, try this assortment of rocket launchers and watch the smile on her face grow. S: Is it just me or did you star in one of those Canadian tire commercials and use that same line? Anyway I don't want to get her a rocket launcher she already has about a dozen of those already. T: Well come with me I'll show you around… S: I'm not sure I should trust you. I mean you've hit on me, eaten me alive, and been just a total jackass but…what the hell! *** Meanwhile Chaos is at Zellers (because the lowest price is the law!) C: Damn it! What can I get Shades! B: (wheezing and breathing hard from running) H…e…l…l…o. C: Boots what did you get Shades for Christmas? B: Well…I'm…Jewish and I don't celebrate Christmas…yes that's it. C: Boots your wearing Christmas tree earrings for god sakes! B: No I'm a not! (run off) C: Bah Humbug! *** Gates is sitting alone in his giant room, which is about the size of an average house… Gates: Ha, Ha, Ha, Ho, Ho, Ho, I love Christmas! It's the best time of the year I mean all my Microsoft products go sky-high with profit! Bwahaha and this year with my new Bill Gates "action figures" I will be able to take over the world BWAHAHAH laugh with me my minions! Bwahahaha…oh damn I forgot I'm alone. Mysterious voice: Bill Gates! G: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Who's there! Voice: You scream like a little girl Gates… Gates: (Interrupts) HEY! Voice: Anyway, I am here to tell you that tonight three assassins will come to your house each with a valuable lesson to be taught! Gates: Ummm isn't it three ghosts? Voice: Silence you! We are doing a rip-off of the classic Christmas tale Scrooge and your wrecking it! Voice: The first assassin will visit you at 9 o'clock tonight! Gates: Umm isn't it supposed to be 12 o'clock tomorrow night? Voice: Yes it should but the assassins don't have that much time the have to visit Mr. Dress up early tomorrow morning. Gates: Why what did he do wrong. Voice: It seems he has become a con artist with the many costumes he has pretending to be a beggar and a blind man. Gates: The guy's blind! Oh here take this money to him and give him my condolences. Voice: He dosen't want your stinking money! (A huge transparent arm flies through the ceiling and grabs hold of the money) Voice: Well remember 9 o'clock tonight…Beware…. Gates: Yeah sure thing buddy the three assassins are going to get me I'm scared… (The huge transparent arm flies through the ceiling once again this time knocking Gates straight on his ass) Gates: OK now I'm scared! *** We return to Chaos who has tons of gifts in her shopping cart she is standing in line to pay for all the items when she hears a familiar voice… Voice: Well looks like you got all your shopping done. Chaos: Hey aren't you that news reporter from TV? Voice: does this sound familiar…Welcome to the evening news I'm Vicki Grandshove. C: Yes, yes now I remember. V: So it looks like you got quite a bit of gifts there you Christmas shopping too? C: Well I'm trying too… V: Well it looks like you are trying a lot. C: Well these are kinda all for…me. V: Oh, well I did a report on the most popular gifts this season come with me and I'll show you around. C: All right that would be a good help. *** We join shades as Tuner is still showing him around… S: Okay Turner we've been through this aisle 15 times I don't think we'll find anything. T: Well excuse me! I've done the best I can, and if you would just stop complaining so much maybe we could find…THUMP! (Just before Turner could finish Shades takes a kids skateboard from the rack and hits him over the head causing Turner to slide on a wet floor, fly back and hit his head on the tiled floor) After a short period of constant laughter Shades moves on to another aisle… S: (to a Wal-Mart greeter) where can I find the assault rifles? WG- Aisle 10 assault rifles and accessories. S: Only in America. By the way there's a clean up in aisle 14. WG: thanks I'll send someone right on it. *** It seems as we return to Chaos that she has found the perfect gift for Shades. Vicki: So you see the remote car starter is a practical and very thoughtful…THUMP! (Just before Vicki could finish Chaos takes a kids skateboard from the rack and hits her over the head causing Vicki to slide on a wet floor, fly back and hit her head on the tiled floor) After a short period of constant laughter Chaos moves on to buy her gift… C: Whoa for some reason that seems like a total dejavu… Chaos pays for the remote starter after telling the clerk that there was a clean up in aisle 14. She leaves the store with her shopping cart full of gifts (which are mostly for her) she suddenly hits a tiny rock with her shopping cart and Shades remote starter goes flying in slow motion towards the ground. A drawled out NOOOOOOOOOOO comes out of Chaos mouth as the gift hits the ground and is mutilated by a bus. C: Damn it the gift was expensive what am I going do now! *** The time is nearing 9 o'clock in the Gates household… G: That guy was just trying to scare me... V: Silence! G: Oh hell… V: I am the assassin of Christmas past! I'm here to tell you of the devious things you've done to ruin people's lives! G: Oh this will be good I'd pay to see this… A1: Silence! G: Yes sir… A1: Come with me! G: But that's a window…Oh I guess you can fly… A1: No but you can! G: Huh? (The first assassin throws Gates out the window Gates falls straight into his jumbo-sized pool) A1: I guess you can't fly. (The first assassin takes out a grappling hook and fires it into thin air surprisingly it catches on something and the assassin and Gates fly off…ummm grapple off. The land near a shopping mall) G: We're at a shopping mall why? A1: This is the scene of last year when people hoarded to buy the phenomenal Windows 98 because they thought their computers would crash. G: Yes so? A1: It's true isn't it Gates Windows 95 was fine you are just too greedy that you wanted more! You had to have it all! G: Yes what's wrong with that? A1: well let's move on shall we? (The assassin takes out a Ninja rope and throws it into space it catches onto something again and they Ninja rope off) A1: This is the headquarters of the SCI here they are struggling to get by and make good business but here comes one of you little minions with a bomb to destroy them with. You see they are trying to buy the unfortunate one over there named Tiny Boots a new brain it seems she's just too stupid. G: I never knew, I never knew! A1: Fortunately this bombing didn't succeed. But will it next time? G: Wait a minute wait a minute! They're the one's always trying to ruin my plans! They've "killed" me about three times but you seem to think I'm the bad guy?! A1: Well you're a billionaire you can afford to be killed! They on the other hand must do this to make money and you don't have to because you are rich! G: But, But, But, DAMN YOU! A1: No Damn You! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Wait a minute that didn't make sense…(shoots grapple and leaves) G: Phew, I'm glad that's over. A2: But is it? G: Damn! *** Shades is gazing over the assault rifles as we join him once again… S: (thinking) I can't get her one of these it will just sit in her closet like the rest of them. How could I be so stupid? Chaos will be happy with anything that I buy her. Damn it! What the hell can I get Chaos! T: there you are I seemed to have passed out for a while. I found the perfect gift for Chaos come with me. S: Uhhhh…try no! T: Well while you're here I was thinking of getting Boots this red lingerie. What do you think? S: (Shudders) that's the sickest thing I've ever heard! T: I know. S: I'm just going to step over here now. *** Assassin 2 is showing Gates the present (as in present day) as we join them… G: This is George Bush's house why are we here and…why is he crying? A2: It's cause you left him you fool! G: He left me! I mean I'm not GAY! A2: Tell that to him. G: I'd like to but he can't see me, right? A2: We aren't that sophisticated go in there and make up with him…on second hand I don't want to see that you can do that later. G: My poor, poor Georgie. A2: (Shudders) A2: Anyway I'm going to let Assassin three take over now… [Assassin three enters through a cloud of smoke and he is the biggest one of all. He is at least 7' tall and is very intimidating (but I think Chaos could take him)] A3: I am the assassin of Christmas Future my purpose is to show you what your future will be like and to actually kill you…I mean to just show you the future. G: I'm not sure I'm ready to see this. A3: Oh shut up you wuse! G: Umm OK. Gates and the assassin grapple towards a fancy looking outdoor facility. G: This is nice. A3: This is a cemetery you idiot. G: Once again this is nice. A3: is this one nice? Gates peers upon a grave stone with the name Jill Bates… A3: That's Bill Gates you moron! Well sorry! Gates peers upon a grave stone with the name Bill Gates. G: AHHHH!!!! I'm dead didn't they figure out a way to bring people back to life yet? A3: No one wanted to Gates! They found a way but no one wanted to bring you back! G: Ha! Ha! I've done it! A3: WHAT?!? G: I've become the most hated man in the world! A3: But, but your dead! G: No look! (Suddenly from Gates grave arises non-other then Gates) A3: Well this took a wrong turn! God Damn it I actually thought this one would give in! We were supposed to teach you a lesson! G: But you did! You taught me that I'm invincible and that I will eventually take over the world! The assassin takes out a long sword and takes a swing at Gates head it falls cleanly to the ground (this isn't the Halloween episode) Gates head: HA HA HA I'm still alive haha…(passes out) A3: God Damn immortal people! (Takes out grapple and leaves but hits a building on the way out not one of the smarter assassins) A3: I heard that! Gates regenerates a new body G: Ha Ha! I am the greatest man alive! Hmmm I wonder if I should…nah…maybe I should… (Just tell us already!) G: (looks around) Who said that? Well I was thinking that maybe today I would spread Christmas Joy because I am so happy! I will take over the world! (Sounds like a good Idea) G: Well thank you who ever you are. (It was said that Gates heart grew 3 sizes that day. And as a smile grew on his face he realized what he really needed to do for just one day…he went down to spread joy with the people of who ville…OOPS sorry wrong story. He decided to go give the SCI a visit) *** Meanwhile at SCI headquarters the trio are sitting around the tree getting ready to open presents. S: Well Chaos it's time to open… G: Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas! Chaos pulls out a revolver and gets ready to shoot. G: No no my friend I'm here to spread joy! C: Oh Shit he's gotta bomb! G: No no here I brought you all presents! See! Chaos grabs one present and puts her ear against it. S: It's not ticking it should be fine. G: Well you see for Chaos…a pack of grenades! C: Wow the deluxe pack…I'd never thought I'd say this but thanks Gates! G: And for little Shades… S: I'm taller then you dough boy G: Ehem…Big Shades some sunglasses polish and a key chain. S: well thanks…I think…. G: And for Boots…A brand new brain! B: Oh my god I can't believe it! I'll try it on right away! G: Well that felt good but now its back to terrorizing the world as usual! G: Well Merry Christmas! (Leaves) C: Let's just try one of these grenades out shall we…(Hucks grenade out window explodes 5 seconds later) G: Good shot Chaos Ho, Ho, Ho,! Merry Christmas! Oh gosh darn I think I'm gonna need a new arm. Oh well! Merry Christmas! S: Well Chaos back to your gift (hands Chaos a neatly wrapped gift) Chaos rips into the package instantly… C: Wow a new assault rifle! My old one was getting so dusty it wouldn't work! Thanks Shades! S: Look at the side! C: Oh cool a inscription…it says "Wreaking havoc on step at a time, you're the best partner a guy could have." Shades you're the best partner a girl could have! B: Hey! What about me! S & C: You too Boots! B: I feel special. C: Now open my gift Shades! S: (opens gift) Cool a remote car starter! This must have cost you a fortune! C: Well I bought one and it got wreaked but then I remembered…hey why buy something when you can knock out the cashier with a blow dart! (The trio laughs) C: I think I'll give that narrator a taste of these darts too… (Ouch) S: Well thank you Chaos! B: Hey guys here are my gifts to you! (Hands them packages with an assortment of goodies for the two) S: Well Boots with all the confusion we had shopping we forgot to get you anything…we're sorry… B: Don't worry about it! I knew you would so I took your credit cards and took the liberty of buying them myself! C: looks like that brain is working well. B: I haven't put it in yet. S: Boots you left the tag on. B: Damn this brain dosen't work very well. Well I got to go try out my new Ferrari bye! C: Where did she get a Ferrari? S & C: BOOOTTTSSS COOOMMMEEE BAAACCCKKK HEEERRREEE! ROLL CREDITS (And happy holidays!) |
 Sign Guestbook |
 View Guestbook |
 shady_chaos@hotmail.com |
|
. |
| Visitors: 00399 |