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Divorce Mediation
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August 1999
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Divorce Mediation is a way for a couple to write their own divorce the way that they want it. It avoids the traditional adversarial system as much as possible and is cheaper, better for the children and less emotionally draining for everyone. While many attorneys can be talked into doing it, we recommend that you consider a mental health professional who has also been trained to also handle the emotional aspect of the divorce.
It's sad when a relationship breaks up. Sometimes its simply that people grow in different directions. Sometimes its a lot worse and it seems like the only way out is with a lawyer. Sometimes we need someone to protect our rights and even our health both physical and mental from an abuser and thats when we need a lawyer and restraining orders, etc. Sometimes divorces get really nasty and viscious.
Divorce mediation also helps to avoid these devastating emotions by offering a neutral party who is able to both understand what each party is going through as well as help the parties to focus on the necessary process of parting.
Another advantage of divorce mediation is that the parties can be creative. If you want visitation rights other than every other weekend and one evening per week, it can be arranged. You could have some type of split custody where the children spend up to half the week with one parent and the rest with the other. This works best if both spouses live in the same school district and can cooperate ("she left her sneakers at your place and needs them tomorrow"). We know of one couple who have an arrangement where the child stays in "his place" and the parents alternate weeks living with the child. Of course each parent maintains their own place outside the home. Its not for everyone but its nice to know that it can be done.
Even if there is a lot a bad feelings and emotional turmoil, if you and your spouse are willing to do a little work, the two of you can make your own decisions about your divorce. Even if you have difficulty talking to each other, having a third party present can help the process. Remember, here the mediator gets paid a flat fee. It is to his advantage to get an agreement quickly. Lawyers get paid by the hour and you need two of them. It is to their advantage to get the parties fighting so that the whole process takes longer. Fighting parents are not the best things for the kids who are going through their own problems about the fact that their parents are divorcing. |
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