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| Mr. Burns Occupation: Rich and ancient owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant; most powerfull man in Sprinfield. Accomplishments: Has lived through twelve recessions, eight panics, and five years of McKinlynomics. Past Disguises: Wavy Gavy, Jimbo Jones. Favorite Lunch: A pillow of shreded wheat; steamed toast; a dodo egg. Secret Shame: Physically weaker than an infant. Favorite Non-monetary Wager: Coca-Cola (one can of). Miscellaneous: Denture collection includes fangs; once tried to court Marge; once tried to marry Marge's Mother. "Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers, layabouts, slugabeds! Little do they realize their days of sucking at my teat are numbered!" Dr. Marvin Monroe Occupation: Media Physcotherapist. Practice: Dr. Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Center. Phone Number:1-800-555-HUGS. Radio Host: Call-in therapy show - dial 555-PAIN. Established: The Marvin Monroe Take-Home Personality Test/The Monroe Meshuggnah Quotient (or MMQ). Turn-ons: Rich people with emotional problems; TV cameras and microphones. Turn-offs: Poor people with emotional problems; sanity; patients who take him up on his double-your-money-back guarantee. "Okay, you want to kill each other. That's good. That's Healthy. Jimbo Jones Description: Shaggy-haired, buck toothed town lowlife. Reputation: Proud to be known as one of the worst kidds in school. Cohorts: Dolph and Kearny. Attire: Never seen wearing anything other than a black skull T-shirt and navy blue watch cap. Hobbies: Beating up intimidated classmates; shoplifting from the Kwik-E-Mart; getting kicked out of Space Mutants movies. Record: Served time as an abusive counseler at Kamp Krusty. Secret Shames: Watching soap operas with his mother; the fact that Moe once brought him to his knees. "I mean, throwing rocks at a statue is one thing, but I'd never cut the head off a guy who iced a bear with his bare hands." Krusty the Clown Distinctive Features: Big nose; big red hair; loud, baggy clothes; superflous nipple, Humble Beginning: As a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi. Medical File: Had a near-fatal on-the-air heart attack in 1986; triple bypass surgery and pacemaker recipient; once went in for plastic surgery to change his identity and ended up with silicone breast implants. Professional Highlights: Played FDR on stage and could not remember to stay in the wheelchair; almost knighted by Queen Elizabeth; his show was condemned by parents and educators for simple-minded TV mayhem. Charitable Acts: Led celebrity recording for a boy stuck in a well. Autobiography: One critic said it was "self-serving" and "filled with glaring omissions." "If this is anyone but steve allen, you're stealing my bit!" Edna Krabappel Occupation: Fourth-grade teaher at Springfield Elementary. Marital Status: Divorced, but still looking. Habits: Can Sometimes by seen smoking inside the school. On strike: While leading a teachers' strike, held up a sign that said, "Honk if you love cookies!" Favorite apparel: Blue skirt, green sweater, blue pumps. Favorite Canned Dinner Brand: Chef Lonelyhearts. Restricted: Can't go to the library anymore because "everybody stinks." "Seymour, the children are playing in the hole again." Kent Brockman Occupation: Local Emmy-winning news anchor. Hosts: "Springfield Action News"; "Eye on Springfield"; "Smartline"; "My Two Cents." Biggist Windfall: Winning the lottery and announcing it on the air (later turning up with a gold medallion around his neck). Married to: Stephanie, the Weather Lady. Turn-ons: Bikinis; scandals; the warm feeling he gets when he uses a cliche. Turn-offs: Being interrupted; being questioned; when his Danish is stolen. "Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together." Reverend Lovejoy Occupation: Man of God; motorist; marriage counselor. Biggest competitors: The NFL; warm beds on Sunday morning; cable. Books/pamphlets: Hell: It's not just for Christians Anymore and Satan's Boners. Hobby: Toy trains. Secret Shame: Has his dog do it's "dirty business" on Ned Flander's lawn. Word's of comfort to death-row inmates: "There there; there, there"; "Well, if that's the worst thing to happed to you today, consider yourself lucky." "The church reveiveth and the church taketh away." Seymour Skinner Occupation: Principal of Springfield Elementary School. Nickname: Spanky Residence: Still lives with his mother. Education: According to the students, he knows everything. Reputation: Renowned stuffed shirt. Top Secret: Rumored to wear a toupee. Speech: Uses big words. Turn-ons: Orderliness; promptness; respect; good grooming. Turn-offs: Chaos; tardiness; disrespect; Bart Simpson. "Say what you will about our cafeteria. I still think they're the best tater tots money can buy." Dr. Hibbert Relationship to the Simpsons: Simpson family doctor, delivered all Simpson children. Annoying Habits: Laughing at innappropriate times; jokingly telling wives that their husbands are dead; informing patients that their legs will have to come off when he really means their "wet bathing suits." Fashion Sense: Cosby sweaters; the occasional Rocky Horror Picture Show costume; a haircut that changes with the times. We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is!" Ned Flanders Occupation: Left-handed item merchant. Education: Ph.D in mixology. Prize possessions: Propane Elaine, his gas grill. Pet Peeve: Maud underlining passages in his Bible. "Absatively posilutely!" Nelson Full Name: Nelson Muntz. Occupation: Springfield Elementary School Bully. Favorite Pranks: Hot-footing (putting a lit match between someone's toes); hocking freshly caught fish at cars. Secret to Success: Cheating. Companions: Two weasels who carry out many of his evil whims; and Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney. Wears: T-shirt; shorts; vest with ragged hemline. "Haw! Haw" Moe Szylak Occupation: Surly, two-faced owner of Moe's Tavern. Specializes in Serving: Duff Beer. Cocktail Mixing Skills: Virtually non-existent. Trusts: No one. Serves Drinks on the House: Never. Bane of his Existance: Bart Simpson and his regular phone calls asking for such fictitous bar patrons as Jaques Strap, I.P Freely, B.O. Problem, and Amanda Hugginkiss. Heritage: Claims his forefathers were bartenders to the Czar. "When I get ahold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains." Groundskeeper Willy Occupation: Thickly accented Springfield Elementary maintenance man/groundskeeper. Nationality: Scottish. Hair: Red and shaggy. Eyebrows: Red and even shaggier. Physique: Muscular; body-builder. Attitude: Surly, particularly when confronted by Principal Skinner. Carries: A flask of liquid courage. Favorite problem solving device: 12-bore shotgun. "There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!" Selma Family Tree Spot: Daughter of Jaqueline Bouvier; twin sister of Patty; both older sisters of Marge. Pet Iguana's Name: Jub-Jub. Cigarette Brand: Laramie. Employer: Department of Motor Vehicles. Hair: Frizzy, grayish, with part in the middle distinguishing her from her twin sister. Favorite TV Show: "MacGyver." Favorite Male: Richard Dean Anderson. Least Favorite Male: Homer J. Simpson. "Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law." |
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